THE SYSTEMS ARE DESIGNED TO FAIL US

my new year's resolution was to get my screen time to under 30minutes a day. the closest i got was 36minutes for a week. every other week, i've been between 1 and 2 hours. although i've significantly reduced my screen time, i still feel like a failure. why is it so hard to limit our screen time?

for many reasons. the first being the system lies. see, even if your phone isn't with you, but you receive notifications, each notification counts as screen time. so if you have message reminders, that's two lots of screen time your phone is docking you for. i've frequently reflected on my screen time and i can't understand it - when i've added up the individual categories compared to the total screen time, there's often a significant discrepancy. where is this extra screen time supposedly coming from? from notifications. from phone calls. from your phone lighting up.

if you have apple car play in your car, beware, that will also increase your screen time. even though the app is designed so you don't use your phone, which you won't need to, it will still count as screen time. when it connects to spotify? ding! screen time. gps navigation? ding! screen time. message notification? ding! screen time.

the addition of the screen time feature on the iphone is a cruel device. this feature gives the illusion that reducing your screen time is entirely within your control; everything on the phone is designed to help you achieve your goal...isn't it?

app restrictions - a great idea, but so easy to ignore. screen time - a great idea, but so easy to ignore. these big tech companies want you to fail. they've even designed these 'helpful' features with the intent to make you feel bad and fail. because if you fail, that means more screen time. more screen time means more money. once you've reached your limit, you're more likely to just say 'fuck it' and keep using your phone. a 'helpful' feature would be to have your phone cut you off, but why would they design these apps to help you? these big tech giants don't care about your life time, they care about your screen time.

we're all addicted to our phones. but it's not our fault. our weaknesses have been exploited for money; the root motivator of capitalism. the only way to 'beat' the system, is to not use the system at all. humans don't have the willpower not to use that which they have access to. that's why alcoholics aren't allowed alcohol in the house. so if you want to reduce your screen time? leave your phone at home and turn off your notifications. it's time to take control of our lives again.

OUR NEED FOR STRUCTURE

humans need structure. we need purpose. without either, we end up meandering through life, searching and seeking but never finding.

as i enter this new phase of my life where i am not working, not volunteering, not doing anything other than playing soccer, i find myself struggling. it's not that i don't have purpose, i do. the big-picture purpose of this time is to write my book, a book that i hope will add value to others' lives. the other purpose is to focus on my business. a business that i also believe will add value to others' lives. i have purpose, but i don't have structure.

every day, i have hours upon hours to write. i have what many others dream of having: an abundance of time. but it's this abundance of time that has become crippling. crippling because there's no urgency. no deadline. and no sense of achievement when i do write. see, my purpose is infinite; it's long-term. but humans need to feel purpose in their daily lives. we need to feel like the work we're doing is of value. is of meaning. we need reinforcement. checkpoints. we need to feel like we're contributing to something bigger than ourselves. i find myself writing 10 pages in a day, only to dread reading what i've written. writing a book is not like writing an instagram post. a book is lengthy. it requires edits upon edits upon edits. it requires patience. it requires structure. it requires things i've never really been good at.

when i write these posts, they're short and succinct. they have a point. everything is summed up neatly. a book, however, doesn't follow this structure. someone can read 200 pages and only remember one thing you've written. a book requires a commitment to the purpose without reinforcement along the way.

and it's this lack of reinforcement, this lack of contributing to something bigger than myself, this lack of structure that i'm struggling with. this experience is making me appreciate all the books i have read - we only ever see the finished product. we don't see the struggle. we don't see the journey. we don't see the torment. we don't see how eerily close someone was to giving up. something i find myself battling with every day.

humans need structure. we need a sense of purpose. we need validation along the way. without them, we end up feeling unfulfilled. unproductive. we end up questioning ourselves, our decisions, our lives. it's in this space i currently reside.

a space i'm trying not to succumb to. this book, my business, perhaps they're too much. too out of reach.

INCENTIVE FOR CHANGE

"people do well when they can do well, not just when they want to do well."

i've used this phrase frequently over the years as it's allowed me to be more compassionate towards others when mistakes occur or when they don't do something i might otherwise expect them to do. it suggests that people lack the skill, not the will, to perform particular behaviours. and although this phrase is true in many instances, there's also other forces at play when it comes to behaviour and changing behaviour.

what incentive does the individual have to change?

have you ever witnessed someone participating in behaviours that are knowingly harmful to their body, only for them to suddenly give it up when they have a health scare? or perhaps you've had a partner who, on multiple occasions had caused you upset, but failed to change their behaviour until you finally decided to leave?

these individuals did not lack the knowledge - they knew what they were doing was causing pain. they didn't lack the means either - these changes were readily available and accessible. what they lacked was the incentive. the reason. the 'why'.

what i've found is that behavioural change often requires a crisis to instigate it. why? a crisis forces us to see how things aren't working; it forces us to change. how then, can we initiate change without a crisis? we need an incentive. and the incentive has to be real, it has to be significant, and it has to be meaningful.

so think back to your own life - when have you made the most significant changes to your life? what prompted that change? was it a health scare? was it the fear of losing someone close to you? what is it that is meaningful to you? and how can you use this as an incentive in your own life to change the things you've been unable to change?