UNCONSCIOUS NATURE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

looking through my facebook memories over the past couple of weeks, i've found it interesting to see the development of social media over the years. ten years ago, we would share fleeting thoughts and feelings or random photos of something we thought looked pretty. all with the intention to do just that - to share. now? now we post polished pieces, edited photos, highlights and achievements. so what's changed?

our why.

social media has no longer become a platform to share your inner, mundane thoughts. it's now a platform to share what will garner a reaction; a like. a comment. a follow. and if it doesn't garner the reaction or likes you desire, many will delete the post. it's as though the validity of a post is no longer about your experience, but about the approval from others.

so why are you posting your post? why are you sharing your story? what are you wanting others to think and feel when they see it? joy, for your happiness? excitement, for your achievement? jealousy, for your life? attraction, for your photo? no longer are we posting for ourselves; but we're posting for others. do you really need to document every highlight of your life? is the mere experience of the highlight itself not enough? for many, we share consciously, but unconsciously.

we're conscious of the photos we choose - being sure to only choose the best of the many we've taken. we're conscious of the captions we write - being sure to make it catchy or enticing. but what we're not conscious of is our why - why do we feel the need to share these photos online? what approval are we seeking? what image are we portraying? what do we want others to feel?

social media steals us of authenticity. everything is polished. edited. that's why i like film cameras so much - you take one photo and you have to wait for it to be developed before you can revisit that moment. and the best part? only you hold those photos; sharing only with those you actually see in person.

so i ask, why are YOU sharing that post?

a note to dads, brothers, and all other men out there...

imagine your daughter

imagine your daughter growing up with a dream,

a dream to play a sport,

a sport she loves and lives for.

now imagine the conversation,

you must have with her,

about the reality of this dream being a profession.

imagine the look in her eyes

as everything she dreamed is crushed

crushed not because of a lack of talent

or worth ethic

or desire

but because society deems women's sport inferior.

inferior to men who devote

equal time

equal money

equal energy

yet the dividends are far from equal.

how do you explain that to your daughter?

"honey, i know you love soccer,

and i know you're really good at soccer,

and i know you want to make money from soccer,

and i know you'll do anything to make it happen,

but honey, the world doesn't care about your dreams.

the world doesn't care about what's fair.

you were born a female.

a female in a male's world.

and unfortunately there's nothing you can do to change that.

so honey, i know this hurts,

i know it's unfair,

but maybe, just maybe,

focus on your education?"

what has been, doesn't need to continue.

your daughter deserves to have dreams,

dreams that are achievable,

not unreachable.

so the next time you want to argue the pay gap doesn't exist,

think of your daughter.

think of her dreams.

she deserves more.

women deserve more.

WE AVOID WHAT'S UNCOMFORTABLE (Part 2)

how many times have you avoided asking a question because you know the answer is going to make you uncomfortable?

and how many times have you been asked, "are you okay?" only to lie through your teeth and say yes when you're clearly not?

when we know someone is struggling, we often avoid asking them what's going on because we "don't want to have that conversation." i know i'm guilty of this, probably more often than i would like to admit. and i find this particularly true with relation to someone whose family member is sick or dying - we avoid asking because we know the person isn't going to be okay. and when they confirm what we thought, we feel uncomfortable. it's as though we expect people to say they're okay when they're not. it's as though we expect others to filter their feelings to preserve our comfort. honesty becomes uncomfortable and confronting, so most people opt for comfort and disillusion.

but as uncomfortable as these conversations might make us, they're the conversations we need to have more of. they're the conversations that make people feel less alone and less like a burden. they're the conversations that can lift the weight of the problems and pain people are holding onto. what we struggle with is not always the situation we're experiencing, but the isolation of not feeling like we can talk to anyone about it.

talking can be liberating. a problem shared is a problem halved. and i don't mean that in the sense of you becoming responsible for that person's experience or struggle, but it can make that person feel like they have people who care. people who listen. people who are consciously choosing to experience a little discomfort to benefit the other person.

so the next time you find yourself sensing that someone isn't okay, instead of avoiding the situation and their feelings, what if you chose to lean in to the discomfort? to lean in to asking the uncomfortable question? being there for someone doesn't mean you need all of the answers, it just means you need to show up. take an interest. and be a human.