WE AVOID WHAT'S UNCOMFORTABLE (Part 2)

how many times have you avoided asking a question because you know the answer is going to make you uncomfortable?

and how many times have you been asked, "are you okay?" only to lie through your teeth and say yes when you're clearly not?

when we know someone is struggling, we often avoid asking them what's going on because we "don't want to have that conversation." i know i'm guilty of this, probably more often than i would like to admit. and i find this particularly true with relation to someone whose family member is sick or dying - we avoid asking because we know the person isn't going to be okay. and when they confirm what we thought, we feel uncomfortable. it's as though we expect people to say they're okay when they're not. it's as though we expect others to filter their feelings to preserve our comfort. honesty becomes uncomfortable and confronting, so most people opt for comfort and disillusion.

but as uncomfortable as these conversations might make us, they're the conversations we need to have more of. they're the conversations that make people feel less alone and less like a burden. they're the conversations that can lift the weight of the problems and pain people are holding onto. what we struggle with is not always the situation we're experiencing, but the isolation of not feeling like we can talk to anyone about it.

talking can be liberating. a problem shared is a problem halved. and i don't mean that in the sense of you becoming responsible for that person's experience or struggle, but it can make that person feel like they have people who care. people who listen. people who are consciously choosing to experience a little discomfort to benefit the other person.

so the next time you find yourself sensing that someone isn't okay, instead of avoiding the situation and their feelings, what if you chose to lean in to the discomfort? to lean in to asking the uncomfortable question? being there for someone doesn't mean you need all of the answers, it just means you need to show up. take an interest. and be a human.

DELAYED GRATIFICATION

what i'm finding so challenging with the work i'm doing is the delay between the interest and the execution. the silence between presenting and impact. and the time between implementation and momentum.

they say all good things take time, but how do you stay motivated when there's rarely any visible reward or reinforcement? when gaining any traction feels like you're swimming upstream? when the time taken between a company's interest and implementation could be months, if not years? when you feel like you've got everything you need; the idea, the product, the need, and the capability, but not the platform?

i've written before about the need to let go and to allow the universe to guide you, but taking a passive approach and 'waiting' for things to happen doesn't feel conducive to building a brand and a business. at what point is taking an active approach actually forcing something not meant to be?

what i've found through most of my life is that people opt for passive approaches with regards to relationships in their lives. for example, "let me know if you need anything" - this phrase, although well intended, is passive. it's asking the other person, whom we assume is struggling, to figure out what they need and communicate that to you, someone who hasn't actively tried to support them.

so instead of taking a passive approach, how can you take an active approach? how can you actively show interest in others' lives? can you leave a review? share their work? advocate for them? discuss their ideas? promote their business? all of these suggestions cost nothing but a little of your time. and the return? i guarantee you'll not only have their appreciation and gratitude, but you'll also feel pretty grand yourself.

"happiness may only be found by helping others find it."

THE DISHEARTENING NATURE OF INFORMATION

they say knowledge is power, but sometimes knowledge can be disheartening.

we live in a world where information is readily available - we're constantly exposed to the achievements of others, to news in the world, to answers on the internet. but instead of this being empowering, i find that the more we know, the less content we feel.

social media is no longer a platform to merely share your life - it's a platform to share your highlights. how many photos were you deciding upon before you opted for the one you posted? when was the last time you posted a photo of you crying? of you brushing your teeth? of you watching netflix? we don't post these because they seem like insignificant details in our lives that no one else would be interested in. but it's these details, these incidental moments, that occupy the majority of our lives yet they're the moments that are shared the least.

what this does is it fills our brain with inaccurate representations of others' lives. how many times have you had a really amazing day, only to jump online and feel disheartened because someone else's life appears more exciting? or perhaps, like me, you're trying to promote content and are struggling to gain a following. yet you see 'influencers' who post nothing but photos of themselves with thousands of followers. and although you can believe in what you're doing, it doesn't negate how discouraging it is to see others have what you don't; to see their success, but not their struggle.

this can apply to other realms of life too - knowing what other employees or teammates make within your organisation might seem like relevant information to advocate for yourself, but what i've found is that it only serves to fuel bitterness and resentment. when you know something, you can't ignore it; that knowledge occupies your mind. what we don't know, we can't think about. ignorance then, really can be bliss.

so being ignorant or informed, which do you choose?