top of page
Writer's picturenicole calder

without your work, who would you be?


much of our lives are consumed by what we do. we work so we can earn a wage to buy us freedom to live. but is that all there is to life? are we really just working to live? at what point do we become more than the jobs we do?


humans are complex creatures. we are more than what we do. but so much of our identity, so much of our thinking becomes consumed by the jobs we work. who are you when you’re not at work? who are you when you’re not thinking about work?


there are 168 hours in a week. let’s say the average human works a full-time job of 38 hours and is fortunate to get 8 hours of sleep a night – that leaves 74 hours where you’re not at work and not sleeping. who are you in those moments? what are you choosing to think about? the majority of us spend more time not at work than we do at work yet work consumes the majority of our thinking and mental capacity. why?


there’s a multitude of reasons as to why. but from my own experiences, i’ve found that work consumes the majority of my thinking for two reasons: i don’t have anything else to think about or i’m taking on more responsibility than is needed.


this is where a need for balance is essential. a need for an identity outside of what you do. a need for purpose in the 74 hours you’re not working. and maybe that purpose is to simply love someone else or to love your family. or maybe it’s a hobby, an interest, a vocation.


as for responsibility, i frequently have to check myself: will the business collapse if i don’t reply to this email? if i don’t do x y or z? and the answer is always a resounding no. because the reality is, much of what we think is important with regards to work, can wait. if you don’t do it, someone else will. a business that falls apart from an individual not working at home, is a business that was bound to fail anyway.


this is both a humbling and liberating reality. humbling because what you offer a business will invariably be replaced and liberating because it means you’re free. free to think about life outside of work. free to focus on what else is important in your life. free to just be more than what you do.


so who are you when you’re not at work?


*i acknowledge that this post is intended for individuals working in low-crisis, regular full-time hour positions and is not applicable to all jobs and occupations

6 views0 comments
Writer's picturenicole calder



how do you ever get over something that's happened to you?


trauma permanently changes the brain. it changes the way you think, feel, and process everything around you. it takes your openness to the world and makes it smaller. every day, on some overt or covert level, becomes changed. instead of living in freedom, you start living in fear. i've often thought, isn't it so sad that one event can permanently change the rest of your life? is there any way to overcome what's happened so you can return to living freely?


i'm not sure there is any way you can 'get over' what's happened; this trauma has become your new reality. there's no way to untangle those neural pathways. so i think the language around trauma needs to change; it's not something people need to 'resolve' or 'get over' - it's something to make friends with and accept. recovery isn't finite; it's infinite.


i've seen people close to me suffer heinous traumatic experiences. and i see how it continues to affect them long after the actual event. although i've never experienced anything similar, my only ability to empathise is how tearing my acls permanently changed my thought processes.


when i'm at work, i'm conscious of how i walk. when i play soccer, i’m afraid of tearing it again. when i'm standing around, there's a fear my knee will give way. no matter how many times it doesn't happen, the trauma of my injuries has seared that fear into my neural pathways. so i can't begin to imagine what it must be like for those who have experienced other traumatic events.


i don't think trauma is anything people ever fully heal from - and by heal i mean in the form of forgetting. because trauma permanently changes your brain, it becomes a part of you. it leaves scars. i'm not sure trying to overcome it is the solution - i think learning to live with it, to accept it, and to understand its role in who you've become is more attainable.


although trauma undoubtedly makes your world smaller, it doesn't make you or your value in this world any less. what happened to you is not your fault and i hope one day all of you who have experienced a traumatic experience don't just know that, but believe it too.

6 views0 comments

Updated: Jan 23, 2022




in the face of tragedy, humans have a tendency to view the severity of it on the lives lost. but what this does is it minimises those people to just a number; a statistic. it dehumanises the tragedy of losing any life.


and this is what we're currently experiencing with this pandemic. every day reports are being released on those hospitalised and those who have unfortunately lost their lives. when you look at the numbers, you might think that this virus is nothing to be feared - it's cost the economy a lot over the past couple of years and as some people might ask, for what? to save a 'few people's lives'?


from an objective standpoint, i get it. from an emotional one, i do not. what i'm finding with this pandemic is the separation within society; the divide between humans. the first things people want to know when they learn about a hospitalisation or a death is, were they vaccinated? did they have underlying health concerns? it's as though their vaccination status or health history justifies their tragic fate. it's as though it gives us a sense of control in a world where right now, a lot of us don't feel very in control.


and it's easy to do this when we're not personally affected. it's easy to take this 'stand-offish', scientific, numbers approach. but what if one of those numbers was your grandparent? your partner? your mum? your dad? would you still be thinking, "oh well, that's unfortunate"? or would you be devastated?


the reality is, there's still so much we don't know about this virus. and it's the unknown that's scary. no one knows how anyone is going to be affected when/if they get covid-19. whether you're vaccinated or not, to me, doesn't detract from the tragedy of losing lives to this virus. so instead of trying to justify the numbers as though they're a result of individuals' decisions, what if we tried to empathise? empathise with those in fear, those that are hospitalised, or those who are mourning the loss of someone who has passed?


a loss of human life is still a loss of life. please try to remember that.

3 views0 comments
bottom of page