SUPPORT, DON'T HELP

why is it important to distinguish the difference between the two? because the latter is finite focused; the former infinite focused.

so what does that actually mean? when help is offered, it is often intended to be as a once-off or for a specified duration. there is invariably a goal or a clearly defined destination in mind; a problem that needs to be fixed. helping someone also unintentionally communicates that the other person is struggling, that they're deficient or inferior in some way and you have the power to help them; thus a power imbalance ensues.

supporting someone, however, has no pre-defined timeframe. the destination or goal is not clearly stated nor known, nor is it always attainable. supporting someone insinuates a journey, a process, something in which you accompany them on, not help them solve.

often when we talk about mental health, we talk about people needing help. but i want to challenge that notion - what if they don't need help, what if instead all they need is support? support from those around them, from peers, family, from people who are equal to them.

as anyone who has struggled with depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, addiction or other mental health conditions would know, there isn't a 'cure' for these struggles. and there often isn't a 'before' and 'after' - there's just a continual experience; a 'during'.

what we need then, is to let go of this notion of being able to help someone and instead embrace the idea of supporting them, as an equal, as they navigate their life with their struggles. being attached to this notion of helping them will only leave you disappointed - what happens if they don't reach that goal? if they don't get better? if they relapse? have you really helped then? or does it make you feel like a failure?

so instead of offering to help someone, perhaps ask how you can support them. not only will this liberate you from being their sole responsibility, but it will also empower them to overcome their struggles.

so, how are you choosing to support those in your life?

CONFLICT PREVENTS DRAMA

conflict is both healthy and necessary, drama is not. but drama ensues when conflict is avoided.

patrick lencioni states that a fear of conflict is the second dysfunction of a team (the first being an absence of trust). when people are afraid to speak up, conflict never gets resolved. and when conflict isn't resolved, it festers. it grows. and it often divides teams.

how often has something happened in your life where you've held onto this anger and resentment towards another person, only to have that completely dissipate when you understand their persepctive or reasoning? quite often though, we don't even allow the other person an opportunity to explain - we hold onto our perception as though it's fact. as though it's reality. and it's like holding onto poison - you're the one suffering from it, not them.

so how do you go about resolving conflict? if it's something you can't let go of, confront it. but do so in the right way. i recommend a mediator - someone who has an ability to facilitate and remain entirely objective to the conflict at hand. the purpose of this mediator is to ensure both parties not only express their perspectives, but are heard in the process. a mediator is like a translator - they help the other party understand by explaining things in an alternative, non-threatening manner.

when stating your view, use "i feel" statements or "in my perspective" - this insinuates you're taking ownership for your feelings and perspective and is less threatening than the word "you". it also implies that your perspective might not be reality - this openness to seeing things from an alternative viewpoint is imperative if anything is to be resolved. without a willingness to understand, communication becomes superfluous.

lastly, in order for the conflict to be addressed, both parties must first feel safe. choose an environment that is conducive for achieving this and a mediator that is both trusted and respected - someone who will be non-reactive, non-judgemental, and take an active interest in resolving this conflict.

so what conflict have you been avoiding? and how is that continuing to affect your life?

WHAT'S THE POINT?

i'd be naive to think that i wouldn't struggle with motivation. that i wouldn't continually ask myself the question; what's the point? because i am struggling with motivation. and i am wondering, what is the point?

i'm a firm believer that if things aren't happening naturally, perhaps they're not what is meant for you. i've come to this place multiple times with soccer - things never happened for me. no matter how well i was performing, the opportunity never presented itself. and i've been finding that for a while with my writing - no matter how much i believe in the content and in the words i write, it's just not reaching a larger audience. and i'm at a loss for what else to do. how long do you keep persisting when nothing much is changing?

all i've ever wanted is a break - someone to look at the work i'm doing and say hey, i want to work with you. the stuff i've been doing with my training is, i believe, a goldmine. every industry needs what i'm teaching. and yet no one sees it as something worth investing in.

i've always been very convicted of my why - but i've struggled with the how and the what. and i suppose that's what i need help with - practical actions for my abstract ideas. i have the content, but i don't have the audience. i don't have the reach. and i don't have the marketing skills nor knowledge of how to achieve that.

i think it's important to acknowledge when we get stuck. to acknowledge when we want to quit. because that's what's relatable - that's what's real. the path to success is rarely smooth, nor is it always achieved. and rarely do we hear about these obstacles, these existential crises, these moments of "what's the point?". and this is when we need other people; this is when i need you and your help.

so if anyone has any ideas, or knows anyone who might be able to assist in helping me reach more people, i'm all ears (or eyes if it's via a screen). and if there's anyone else who's struggling or feels stuck, how can you acknowledge your humanness and ask for help?