LEADING CAN BE LONELY

people often think leading to be glorious - you're a person people look up to, a person people follow, a person revered and sometimes remembered. but leading isn't always glorious. more often than not, leading can be lonely.

one of the roles of a leader is to do what's right not what's easy. and sometimes that can mean changing systems which many are comfortable and familiar with. change is rarely comfortable. it’s also rarely embraced. so with change often comes resistance. and that resistance is often directed towards the easy target: the leader.

a leader is often responsible for taking more of the blame and less of the credit - much of their work goes unnoticed and unappreciated. they're often responsible for the workings within a team and to ensure harmony is maintained. and this harmony is often established in the discrete conversations away from the team - conversations others don't see, but conversations that are so important to making each member feel seen and valued.

in 2019, i was brought to a WNPL soccer club with the role to assist in professionalising the culture. the problem though was that many of the players at the time were not interested in this vision - their interests were in that of a social culture. so as a new member, i became an easy target. despite following the directions of my coach, players responded with eye rolls, attitude, and harsh words. none of which i felt i could address. and through all of which i wished i had another leader, the most important kind of leader, standing up to support me.

leaders, and new leaders in particular, are often misunderstood. and being misunderstood hurts. it's isolating. leaders generally want what is best for the team - they want the team to get along and achieve results. so the next time you see someone standing up trying to make a difference, can you be a leader and publicly show your support? can you be the person that makes that lone individual feel less alone? can you be the leader we all need?

HOW DO YOU PROCESS THE END OF A RELATIONSHIP IF YOU AREN'T READY FOR THE RELATIONSHIP TO BE OVER?

break ups can be excruciating because they feel like a rejection of the self. how do you navigate such a difficult time whilst maintaining a sense of dignity? here are some tips to guide you.

1. listen. what does the other person want? are they open to working things out? if no, respect their boundaries. if yes, can you clearly identify the problems within your relationship and a path to rectify them?

2. lean on your friends and family. when things end, you'll go through a drug withdrawal. although being alone can help with learning more about yourself, often it's too painful right after a break up. keep yourself busy - text friends, see family, join a dating app for dopamine and validation, if you need.

3. identify what it is about the person you were drawn to. what attributes make them, them? focus on these rather than the person because chances are there'll be others who possess similar qualities.

4. grieve. give yourself permission to grieve not only your relationship and the memories you created with them, but also grieve the person you were with them. after one of my break ups i started a document titled, "everything you wish you could say but can't." this allowed me to express everything i was feeling in a non-judgemental, non-harming, and liberating manner.

5. deactivate socials. technology, in particular social media, can serve as a reminder of what you had but no longer do. deactivating social media removes the temptation to 'check up' on them and allows you a chance to heal. every time you see them, or their profile, it reopens those wounds and inhibits your ability to heal and move on.

6. practice compassion. i've found that trying to understand the other person helps me have compassion towards them and accept whatever has happened. they didn't do this to you, they're doing this for themselves and what makes them happy.

remember, the end of a relationship can take time to heal from. be patient. allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and give yourself the best opportunity to move on by following the above mentioned tips.

I DON'T NEED YOUR TOUGH LOVE, I JUST NEED YOUR LOVE

i was feeling a bit sorry for myself the other night. it started because i was cut from a professional soccer team...again. and although i was realistic about my actual chance of getting signed, the termination of the process didn't prevent me from feeling tired of being overlooked.

by no means is this a 'woe is me, my life is so hard' plea - it's not. but it's an, 'i'm human too' plea. and part of being human means that you need validation. and validation not just in the form of words, but in actions too.

people offer words because they're convenient. they're easy. they're risk-averse. taking a chance on someone? giving them an opportunity? advocating for them? that takes time, energy, and effort. and i understand those are commodities in scarce supply for many, but they're also commodities which are free. they cost you nothing, but what they provide for another could be invaluable.

and the old school 'tough love' mentality? i don't need it. and i'm sure many others don't either. just because i appear 'strong' or 'confident' doesn't negate the fact that i'm human, just like everyone else. i have needs, just like everyone else. i need recognition, just like everyone else.

so if there's a member of your team or in your workplace who stands out in their ability and actions - don't overlook them. even the strongest people are still people - and all people need validation. they all need love. and they all need support. it's hard to fight your own battles and to be your own advocate. but when you have others fighting with you? advocating for you? all of a sudden that person does feel valued. does feel worthy. does feel good enough. there's power in numbers so how can you be that number to someone? how can you help advocate for them? how can you be their difference?