the need for a network

building a network can be hard. but it's something that anyone who moves - interstate, overseas, or even just to a different house, experiences.

moving to the UK has been the second time i've been without a network, the first being when i moved to the US in 2011. but, as i mentioned in an earlier post, my experience in the US was extremely different. although i was moving countries, i still had a safety net of sorts with regards to having roommates, teammates, and coaching staff who actively recruited me. in the UK though, this has not been my experience.

when i first arrived, i had my partner's family. but i was a stranger to them as they were to me. i was on my own to organise everything i needed. a car, a soccer team, transport - to grocery stores, to car dealerships, to soccer trials. they did provide me with a roof over my head though, and i am extremely grateful for that.

come mid-January and i had finally secured a team. i really thought things would start feeling easier at this point - i had a team, a purpose, and a car. many of my basic needs were met. except they weren't. i didn't have accommodation - i never knew where i would be staying each night so i could never set up a base anywhere. but the biggest thing i was missing? a network.

despite signing with a team, i don't feel any more connected to the people here than i did 6 months ago when i was living in Australia. and i think a large part of that has to do with the life of a semi-professional athlete. most players have a second job. and most of them travel over 1 hour to training. what does this mean for the team? it means that there's no opportunity for those incidental interactions. it means you're not going out to eat with each other after training - you're going home to your family. it means that everyone is an individual - with their own lives, their own friends, their own families, and playing soccer is just one of the things they do rather than the only thing they do.

in a professional environment, this is different. you're around your teammates as much as you are your coworkers - full time. that's why so many players in these environments establish strong friendships; because they have the opportunity to do so. so what happens when you don't have these opportunities?

failing to establish a network puts you at risk. Robert Waldinger and Mark Schulz discuss at length in their book The Good Life how important connections are for long-term health and happiness. when you don't have these connections, when you don't have a network, you experience pain more significantly, you take longer to heal, and you feel more alone and isolated. you also become at risk for mental illnesses. this was me in the US - after i tore my second acl, i realised my network was flimsy. i no longer had soccer. i only had three friends who weren't my teammates. study wasn't challenging me. my family lived in another country. and the only network i had, my relationship, was unstable.

the other week i found out about the passing of a soccer coach from back home - someone who i had only just worked with prior to coming to the UK and whom i had every intention of learning from upon my return. i struggle with death at the best of times, let alone in another country. and the worst part about all of this? is i had no one here to talk about this with. i remember sitting at my rental place crying, thinking, i don't even have anyone i can call right now.

i totally get connections and friendships take time to build - it takes time to trust someone and become vulnerable with them. it takes time for people to see value in you and your abilities. but it's almost impossible to do this when there isn't the opportunity to do so. you could argue that it's on the individual who's moved to establish these connections, to put themselves out there, but having been someone who's moved countries twice, it's fucking hard to get by let alone put yourself out there. although, i have tried. i'm trying to put myself out there with coaching. i'm asking for opportunities to shadow coaches. i've asked to run private coaching sessions. and i've tried using soccer as a common ground to establish deeper connections with my teammates - but i get left on read. not even a 'no sorry, i can't', just ignored. most nights i sit at home, by myself, waiting for my partner and family to wake up in australia. meanwhile i have teammates who live less than 10 minutes away, yet teammates who have not once invited me to hang out. and i'm not sure about anyone else, but i've never really been someone who just invites myself to places.

some people get excited about the prospect of a clean slate - of starting 'fresh' somewhere. but starting fresh means starting from scratch. sure, it means no one has pre-conceived ideas about you, but it also means you have no reputation. no credibility. you have to fight for EVERYTHING. your character is unknown. your potential unrecognised. people are less likely to advocate for someone they know nothing about. you're on your own, in not just a physical sense. so what am i suggesting?

i'm suggesting that if you're around anyone who has just joined your workplace, just joined your team, moved countries or cities, can you be an olive branch? can you extend invitations for them to join you, away from the convenience of a workplace or team, into your home, to an event, or even just out for coffee? because this olive branch might just be the one thing that keeps them grounded, keeps them hanging on. i think this is one thing that the club back home does really well - especially with internationals. they welcome them into the team - they get invitations to things like the Fringe festival, to dinners at christmas, to social events at the beach. they get picked up and dropped off at trainings. invited into people's homes. and team dinners occur weekly, providing regular opportunities to connect off the pitch.

a friend i finally got to meet in the UK was talking about someone who had moved from Australia to the UK and how she was so lucky to find him. because if she didn't, she probably wouldn't still be in this country. and i've thought about that a lot - about how one person can be the difference between someone feeling welcome, feeling like they belong, feeling like they can make it work and someone who just says fuck it and gives up. so how can you be this olive branch? how can you be intentional with making someone feel welcome? how can you be a part of someone else's network?

life of a substitute

something that hardly ever gets covered within sporting communities is how to navigate a life on the bench. it's one of the most brutal positions to be in as a player, but how you navigate it quite often determines the cohesiveness within a team. so how do you go about being a substitute? what's important for coaches and players alike to know about navigating a crucial but often neglected part of competitive sports?

please note these experiences are written specifically about soccer as i think all sports have their own unique challenges with substitutes.

let's go over some basic rules for soccer - 11 players start and quite often there's five players on the bench, one of those being a keeper which leaves four field players. during the game, a coach is able to make a total of five subs, but through 3 separate substitutions. so what's the likelihood of being subbed on? chances are higher for strikers, wingers, and full backs, sometimes even for midfielders. but central defenders and goalkeepers rarely get subbed on unless one of the starting players gets injured. why is any of this important? because it's important to understand the psychology that goes behind being a bench player. in other sporting codes, like aussie rules football, the bench is interchange meaning all players get used somewhat equally. everyone will come off at some point and everyone will play. in soccer however, it's not uncommon for multiple subs to not play. again, why does this matter? and how does it affect culture?

in aussie rules football, i've heard very good things about the culture. girls seem to get around each other in trainings and games. and i've often wondered why? i think a lot of it comes down to the way in which substitutes are used. in aussie rules football, even if you start on the bench, you still get an opportunity to contribute. you still get to play. you're still viewed as an equal. in soccer however, you might not get that opportunity. so how do you support a teammate who is playing your position, essentially preventing you from doing what you want to do - to play? i think this explains why in a lot of soccer teams i've been a part of, bitchiness and cattiness results. because it's hard to feel a part of a team that you're not actively playing in. it's also important to note that this is a different psychological challenge from that of being injured - being injured means there's no chance of you playing. when you're fit and healthy but aren't chosen that means accepting the potential reality that you aren't good enough (yet or in the coach's eyes). it feels like rejection.

so how do you navigate this, especially if it's your reality every week?

i think one of the most important things is to be honest with yourself. be honest with where you sit in the pecking order of the team. i think quite often a lot of our frustrations come from being disillusioned about our abilities in comparison to others. i think it's also important to look at the players playing your position and ask why are they playing ahead of you? again, be honest here. don't just put it down to the coach having favourites, which occasionally has its merits. but look at what do these players do well? what do they have that i don't? is there any way that i can develop these skills? sometimes the reason you're not playing isn't because you're not good enough, but because the two people ahead of you are more experienced than you, or have potentially had more opportunity to prove themselves than you. although frustrating, sometimes it just isn't your time on that team. luck plays a MASSIVE role in whether you get an opportunity. and that's something you can't control, but it is something you can make sure you are prepared for when you do eventually get an opportunity.

so how do you prepare as a sub? how do you prepare yourself mentally? physically? emotionally? mentally it's challenging. because you need to get yourself up and ready as though you are going to play, especially because things happen - players get injured in warm up, players wake up sick, players et sent off, cars break down. life happens. but the problem with getting yourself amped up is the disappointment that follows when/if you don't get to play. this is a reality you have to prepare for. you have to acknowledge, every game, that there's a very real possibility you might not play. but i don't think you can assume this is the case. preparing in this way means you might not be psychologically prepared when/if you get an opportunity to play.

in regards to physical preparations, this is hard. i think one of the worst thing coaches get players to do is run after a game in which they haven't played in. why? because they've already had to sit through an entire game, not playing, they then are almost being doubly punished by having to run after the game. i don't know about other players, but i don't play soccer to run. and having to run to make up for not playing is the cruellest form of 'punishment'. as a coach, can you organise for these players, instead, to play a mini game? a conditioning game, during training? this way they're still feeling a part of the team, rather than being isolated by doing extra after a game. also see if there's an opportunity for these players to play for a reserves side or something alike so they're still maintaining match fitness - something that no amount of running can make up for.

but probably one of the hardest things to adjust to as a substitute is knowing how to fuel yourself. realistically, you have to fuel yourself as though you were going to play 90minutes. but what do you do with all of those extra calories when/if you don't play? how do you psychologically navigate that? i think this is why coaches make players run after a game rather than on a separate day. but i don't know if that is the best solution. admittedly this is something i'm still trying to navigate myself - to let go of being able to control consuming excess calories i haven't been able to burn off. i'm not entirely sure how this would contribute to weight gain, if it would, but it's something i know i've been concerned about as i know others have too.

what's important for a coach to do when handling substitutes? honesty. honesty above all else. how likely is it for a player to play? finding a way to communicate this to a player without destroying their hope, but also not giving them false hope is a skill. telling players to 'keep doing what they're doing' isn't helpful nor honest. telling a player 'your opportunity will come when/if one of the centrebacks gets injured' is frustrating, but it's honest. a player is more likely to be able to accept their situation knowing where they stand. it's when players are given false hope, when players are told 'the team will be chosen based on training' but players who miss training still start, that's what causes frustration within a team. because the reality is, most coaches are choosing their 11 based on previous performances. if a player hasn't done anything 'wrong' in a game, they're probably still going to start. how though, can you keep these substitutes motivated when the reality is no matter how hard they work, it's not going to change their playing situation? this, i think, is an art.

an art that partly comes down to the management and how coaches communicate with their players. an art that comes down to the team culture and how they make these substitutes still feel valued and a part of the team. how these players are communicated to and with from their peers. but it also comes down to an individual. how well can an individual accept their situation? how well can they still support the team, even if they're not actively contributing? i think this is what separates an average teammate from an excellent one.

it is IMPERATIVE from a coaching perspective to prioritise their substitutes. just because they aren't in your starting 11, how are you developing them? how are you making them better? how are you involving them in the team? are you acknowledging their role? their positivity? because when players do everything 'right' but are still overlooked, that's when they get frustrated. when starting players 'abuse' their position of being a starter, whether that's by attendance, commitment, or effort, that's when substitutes get frustrated. it's human to get upset when people putting in less, get more, when you're putting in more and getting less (adam's theory of equity).

bench players are the most important players on a team. they determine your culture. but in order to have 'happy' substitutes, you have to nurture them. you have to value them. and you have to be honest with them. that's not just the coaches, that's the other players too.

so how do you decide whether to stay and work harder or leave to play somewhere else? that's the million dollar question. how you go about answering this depends on many factors - e.g. where you are in your playing career, what you're wanting to get out of your playing career, and what's important to you. for me, if i'm learning in an environment, if i feel valued in an environment, if the players around me are better than me, if i see a potential opportunity in the future, and if there's logic to the coach's choices, i'll probably stay even if i might not be getting played. but if the aforementioned aren't fulfilled, i'm more than likely looking elsewhere where i am valued, appreciated, respected and challenged.

the final thought i have, as i currently find myself riding the bench, is that this isn't a novel experience for a soccer player; it's almost guaranteed. every team, in every country, has substitutes. and some of the best players in the world currently find themselves occupying the space next to their coach. so before making a hasty decision to leave, remember players all over the world navigate this experience too - no one, no matter how good, is immune to accepting a role as a substitute.

life of a not-quite professional athlete

i moved over to the UK to gain experience i haven't been able to achieve in australia. i moved over wanting to play professionally, but quickly realised that wouldn't be possible as the level i've played at in australia dictates the level i can play over here because of brexit and their rules pertaining to GBE points. although unbelievably frustrating and limiting, i am still able to play semi-professionally here. but what's the difference between professional and semi-professional? and why does it matter to acknowledge the differences?

semi-professional can easily be summarised as self-funded - you're responsible for doing everything yourself. and when you're self-employed, you don't always get paid for the work you do. prior to coming to the UK, i had to sort myself a visa, pay for a visa, and pay for the national health insurance surcharge (nearly $2000). i then had to pay for my flights, sort my accommodation, and email clubs myself. i could have had an agent do this on my behalf, but not being able to sign a professional contract (because of the point system) doesn't give much incentive for an agent to work hard for me.

okay, so i'm in the UK and i've emailed clubs - now what? now i have to wait for the clubs to get back to me. and once they get back to me, i then have to sort a way to get to these clubs - either via public transport (which doesn't allow much flexibility) or by hiring a car. hiring a car over here, without insurance, is about $60 a day (at its cheapest). but you're obviously taking a risk. to add insurance, it triples the price of hiring a car. and when i needed to hire a car at least 5 times, that quickly adds up. as does the cost of petrol which costs approximately $110 to fill up a tank ($2.70 a litre).

i was very fortunate that for the first 6 weeks i was able to set up a base at my partner's cousin's place which meant free accommodation. but i did still have to hire accommodation for trials that were beyond driving distance in one day (e.g. more than 2 hours when training finishes at 10pm). so accommodation costs are also at my own expense. but the biggest problem with being semi professional, other than the lack of financial reimbursement, is the uncertainty. i came over here having nothing organised - not from lack of effort or trying, but because i couldn't organise anything from australia. every week i was unsettled because i never knew where i was going to be - i didn't know who i was going to be trialling with and whether i would realistically be able to get there in such short notice.

i've obviously come over here mid-season, which in itself presents a lot of challenges because teams are often already established and their finances issued. there's also no real urgency to bring a player in - so i wasn't a priority to a lot of teams (which i understand). now compare this to someone who's professional - none of these issues mentioned are a thing for them. their visa gets sorted for them, flights are paid for, accommodation sorted, travel organised, potentially a car loaned to them, and they have a team. there's no uncertainty. there's no out-of-pocket financial costs. and there's also a contract waiting for them to provide income.

so how does the time commitment differ from that of a semi-professional to that of a professional? as a semi professional team, we train three times a week for two hours, with two one hour gym sessions. in addition to this, there's team analysis for an hour after training as well as a scout report, and occasionally individual meetings to discuss IDPs (individual development plan). recovery isn't mandated by the team, but it usually takes up another 1.5 hours during the week. lastly there's game days, which take up at least 5 hours. so all of this adds up to at least 15 hours, without factoring in travel. professional teams have a similar itinerary, but they might have an additional training session.

on sunday we had a friendly in liverpool - a 3.5 hour bus ride. it took me 1.5 hours to get to the club, before sitting on a bus for 3.5 hours. we then had our game, had some food, back on the bus. i left at 7:30am and got home at 10pm. all food, except for the sandwiches after the game, were at my own expense. again, this is something that differs significantly for professional and semi-professional environments - in professional environments, food expenses are covered. in semi-professional, as i first stated, it's self-funded.

i think what's really difficult is that the women's game is evidently getting stronger and more competitive. the gaps between leagues are becoming smaller, yet the gaps between professional and semi-professional aren't. there is a massive financial burden on those who are semi-professional* but one of the biggest problems is the expectations. semi-professional athletes are expected to train and behave like professionals. they're expected to prioritise their sport, even though financially they aren't getting reimbursed for it. through most of my career, it's just been accepted that you give up work for your sport - because you love the game and that's what you do when you love it, right? but where do you draw the line? it's a bit of a chicken and egg situation in regards to what comes first - player's commitment and expectations, or the environment and the pay? i think for so long women have been expected to give up their lives, their jobs, their pay to play semi-professionally but it really isn't feasible. but i also know from a coaching perspective, their hands are tied. and it's nearly impossible to build a team with half commitment. so what needs to happen? there needs to be more financial investment. there needs to be a respectful wage offered to players giving up at least 15 hours of their week (excluding travel). and there needs to be more resources available for those who are professional in their mindset, behaviour, and expectations, but aren't-quite-there-yet or haven't been gifted an opportunity to play professional. and the main reason so many of these athletes aren't professional? it's not because they're not good enough, but it's because there aren't enough fully professional teams in their sport. quite often, only the top tier of women's sporting divisions are fully professional and paid adequately. in the men's? you can play for a 6th tier soccer club over here (UK) and still earn more than what a female would in a semi-professional (tier 2 or 3) environment.

women's sport needs more investment. semi-professional shouldn't still mean self-funded.

*admittedly there is still a financial burden on many professional female players too

**please note these are based off my experiences in former professional environments and what i've heard from other players in professional environments. i acknowledge there is a large discrepancy between professional teams and their offerings.

all monetary figures are in AUD - to convert to pounds, divide by 2