RESPECT BOUNDARIES

i've been reflecting recently on some of my behaviour with specific regards to relationships, new and old. and i've been struggling to accept some of my actions as they counter the values i hold near and dear.

i write and talk often about choosing love, compassion, and understanding. and i consciously try to do this. but sometimes i fail. sometimes i'm not very warm or understanding or compassionate. and it leaves me feeling conflicted - how could i have chosen to love better through this?

despite this reflection, i also acknowledge that i'm human. and invariably coldness ensues when i'm pushed to a point of a heightened emotional state. and nothing will do this more than when others do not and cannot respect the boundaries i have amicably requested.

as i've mentioned before, @brenebrown states that the most compassionate people are also the most boundaried people - the people who clearly state how they want to be treated and don't do things they don't want to do. but what can you do when someone clearly ignores those boundaries? when someone isn't treating you how you've asked to be treated? is it possible to still remain compassionate when a compassionate and understanding approach has only led to this, a complete dismissal and disregard of personal boundaries?

i will always check myself and my behaviour, especially if i act contrary to the way in which i want to live my life. but at times, the humanness in me takes over. i become cold, short, harsh. and i don't do so out of hate, but out of frustration. frustration for not being heard. for feeling disrespected. so the next time someone acts coldly towards you, perhaps check yourself. are you respecting their boundaries? are you treating them how they've asked to be treated? because if you aren't, their behaviour becomes a consequence of your actions.

do you want someone to talk to you out of obligation, or do you want someone to talk to you out of desire? because the former will result in resentment and the latter in love. when you respect others' boundaries, you'll experience more love.

FULL CIRCLE MOMENTS

can you ever really understand a situation until you've been through similar?

the times in my life where i've endured the most pain have often been associated with my relationships and their endings. when someone ends things with us, we often feel rejected. betrayed. heartbroken. we can't believe the things they do to us - whether it be moving on within a week of you ending, blocking you on all forms of social media, leaving you when you're mentally not okay, or getting with someone you always worried about.

all of their behaviour, you perceive, is a reflection of their character, of their feelings and respect towards you. but what we often fail to consider is what that person is feeling. would you want someone to stay with you when they really didn't want to? can you force someone to have feelings for you? and can that person control who they are attracted to?

the most painful break ups i've experienced, i have come to understand. come to forgive. and come to have compassion for my ex. and all of that was only achieved when i, in essence, did to others what i had done to me.

because the reality is this; people don't do things to you, they do things for themselves. people want happiness and they want to avoid suffering. can we really blame others for choosing what makes them happy? are they really causing us pain or is it our attachment to them and expectations of them that are causing us to suffer?

so if you believe someone, an ex, a boss, a coach, to have 'wronged' you - consider what they might be going through. consider the context of their decision. consider their feelings. because chances are, their behaviour is completely independent of you and entirely dependent on their happiness.

WHAT IS THE UNIVERSE ASKING OF ME?

"the teacher will present itself when the student is ready."

life can be challenging. but challenges serve to help us grow. the more pain we experience, the more growth we have to endure.

recently i've been asking myself the aforementioned question - what is the universe asking of me in this moment? or alternatively, what lesson am i still to learn from this experience? abraham hicks states that every experience either fulfills a desire, or it enhances a desire. so any time you experience something adverse, it's really strengthening a desire to experience the opposite.

for example, if you're in a relationship and you're not feeling heard or seen, as frustrating as that can be, it can strengthen your desire to find someone who does hear you. see you. and support you. what pains us is often what is important to us. the first question i then ask is, where can i adjust? can i change the way i'm viewing this? can i let go of this desire or does letting go compromise who i am and what i believe?

i'm finding that within my desire to understand others and their behaviours, i can sometimes be too accepting of behaviour that is really not serving to myself or them. and perhaps there's a lesson to learn in this naivety - to be compassionate, but discerning. we teach others how to treat us through what we reinforce and what we punish so if someone isn't treating you the way you want to be treated, what role have you played in their behaviour?

the next time you experience something adverse, remember that pain signals room for growth. ask yourself: what's the lesson and where can i adjust? what desire is this either fulfilling or enhancing?