BEING YOURSELF

have you ever wondered why your relationships or friendships don't seem fulfilling? have you ever felt like you weren't being heard or seen? have you ever stopped to ask yourself if it's really you or an idea of you that you're presenting to these individuals?

part of being human means we have a desire to conform, a desire to 'fit in'. we're social creatures; we need other people. but at what cost are you willing to merely 'fit in'? what parts of you are you sacrificing for these relationships?

in order to be accepted for who you are, you must first have the courage to be yourself. is there a chance of rejection? yes! is there is a chance of judgement? absolutely! but there's also a chance to form a beautiful, authentic connection.

when you choose to be the rawest and realest version of yourself, you give others a choice - a choice to either embrace you, or distance themselves from you. and what you'll find is you'll stop wasting time with people who don't accept you. who don't see you. who don't embrace you for you.

for most of my life i've been told i'm too much. too intense. that all i want to do is talk about feelings. and for a few years i tried to censor myself; i tried to be less. but it was miserable. it wasn't until i chose to be myself, as deep and intense as i sometimes can be, that i started to find my people. that i started to not just be accepted for who i was, but embraced for it.

and now? i'm surrounded by these people. and i'm surrounded only because i took the time to figure out what makes me, me. and then i chose, with unwavering commitment, to be that person regardless of the consequences. knowing yourself, and i mean deeply knowing yourself, allows you the confidence and security to be yourself in any situation. and it's only then will you find 'your people'.

so, what makes you, you? and how can you live truest to this person that you are?

CHEATING

what does it mean to ‘cheat on someone’?

is it considered cheating to be attracted to someone else? to feel connected to someone else? to kiss someone else? what do you define as cheating? and is this your definition, or society’s?

can you control who you’re attracted to? who you feel connected to?

can we get all of our needs met from one person? if you think we can, why then do we have multiple friends? is it not because they each offer us something different? because we can’t get all of our emotional needs met from one person? why then do we think it’s possible to get all of our physical needs met from one person? is kissing someone who you feel attracted to really that wrong? or is it only perceived as wrong because of how society has conditioned us to view relationships and the behaviours within it?

humans are imperfect. humans are complex. but sometimes i think the rules we’ve created for our lives are too simplistic to follow - they set us up for failure. they set us up to be “bad people”.

i’ve been attracted to other girls whilst in relationships before. i’ve also thought about kissing them. and i’ve dreamt about having sex with them. i share this not to be judged, but to normalise what i suspect many of us experience as being human.

when your needs aren’t met in your relationship, which some of them won’t be, it’s only natural for your body and mind to seek that elsewhere. understanding your attraction to others is beautiful if you let it be - beautiful because it teaches you more about yourself and what is important to you.

so next time you feel attraction, become curious. what does this person possess that you’re so drawn to? having feelings doesn’t mean you need to act on them, but trying to suppress them will only strengthen them. allow what you feel to exist and exist without judgement.

ASK BEAUTIFUL QUESTIONS

the quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask.

often in life, we avoid asking the difficult questions. we avoid them because we're afraid of the answers. but it's only within this discomfort that something truly beautiful can evolve. what we need though, is the courage to lean into this discomfort and ask beautiful questions.

sarah wilson coined this phrase in her book, 'this one wild and precious life', and i fell in love with it. instead of asking, "why is this happening to me?" perhaps ask yourself, "okay life, what are you asking of me in this moment?"

instead of asking yourself, "what do i want to achieve?" perhaps ask yourself, "how can i have influence where i am with what i have?"

instead of, "what's my financial goal?" perhaps ask yourself, "how much money is enough money? what do you need, that you don't already have? and how much value would this 'thing' really add to my life?"

instead of, "how's work?" or "how's your relationship?" what about asking someone, "if you could think about anything, what would you think about?"

instead of blaming someone, ask yourself, "what need in me is not being met?" and "how can i go about fulfilling this need?"

instead of, "how's your day?" what about, "what's something that makes you feel alive? how can you go about doing more of this?"

instead of, "what do you do?" what about asking, "what are you searching for? why are you here?"

these are just a sample of beautiful questions i frequently ask not only of others, but also of myself. and it's within these questions that i find a deeper level of intimacy, a seeing and understanding of who that person is and what's important to them. so what beautiful questions have you asked of others? feel free to share your answers below.