ACHIEVEMENTS LOOK GOOD ON YOUR RÉSUMÉ, CONNECTIONS LOOK BETTER ON YOUR EULOGY

a few weeks ago, the team i play soccer for lost in the preliminary final. we were favourites, yet we were defeated. so naturally, one might ask what happened.

conventional western society will look for every reason they can to explain the defeat. fingers will be pointed at coaches, players, and the culture but the truth is, it’s no one’s fault.

in any game that involves two teams in a finals series, there’s a 50% chance you’ll win, and a 50% chance you’ll lose. this fact is often forgotten because humans like to be in control. we like to feel we can predict the future. that’s why we bet on games, because it gives us this sense of control. but no matter what we do, we can never predict how any game, event, or how life in general is going to play out.

this feeling of control is exacerbated by the fact that we live in a world that glorifies achievements. a world that values winning above all else. we think that success can be emulated - that there’s a formula to “winning a championship”. but this is an illusion. you can’t emulate success because you can’t predict the future. there are things you can do that increase your likelihood of succeeding, but at the end of the day, you still only have a 50% chance of winning.

admittedly, i wasn’t distraught having lost in the preliminary final. i’ll give credit where credit is due - our opposition were the better team on the day. no one is to blame. nor is that the most important thing. in 20 year’s time, are any of us going to be looking back on that game thinking, “oh man, salisbury inter really should have won that! how different my life would have been if they did!” they won’t be saying that because winning isn’t what matters most.

achievements look good on your résumé, but it’s the connections that look better on your eulogy. it’s the connections and friendships you made along the way - the experiences you shared with those alongside you - that? that’s what you’ll remember in 20 year’s time.

so instead of trying to emulate success, what if we tried to emulate better connections? stronger friendships? what if, instead of focusing

HOW DO YOU LET GO OF SOMEONE?

we as humans like to attach to people and to things. attachment gives us a sense of security, a sense of purpose, a sense of control. but our attachment to these things hinders our ability to let things unfold naturally. it’s what creates suffering. so, how can you let someone go?

it’s important to ask yourself what exactly it is that you’re attached to. are you attached to the person, or are you attached to the idea of being with this person? if the former, what is it about this person that you’re so drawn to? if the latter, ask yourself why you feel the need to be with anyone at this point in time. what are you running from or what is it within you that you feel is incomplete that you need another to fulfill?

breaking down what we’re drawn to in an individual allows us to let go of our attachment to them as a person and allows us space to find those qualities in another individual. the more we focus on what we want, the more we’ll manifest that in other areas of our lives. on the contrary, the more we focus on what we’re lacking, on what we don’t have, the more the universe will reinforce those feelings.

so in order to get “what you want” you have to let go. you have to focus not on the person, because we can never control the feelings of another and who they’re attracted to, but focus on their qualities. because i guarantee there are many people who possess what you desire, the secret is to be receptive to those people. and the only

way to be receptive is to not be attached.

focus on what you want, let go of all the rest. the universe will manifest your energy in a way you could never have imagined. energy doesn’t lie - trust it.

BREAK UPS

i believe break ups are one of the hardest things people go through in their lives. it might seem trivial, given how commonplace they are, but that doesn’t detract from the enormity of the pain that is endured.

not only must you grieve the loss of the person and the relationship, but you also grieve the future you had envisioned with this individual that is no longer. and sometimes that can be harder to fathom than grieving the memories of the past.

there’s also the loss of self - the loss of who you were with this person. there’s the adjustment from having this person on your mind for every decision - from what to eat, to what netflix show to watch - to then only thinking about yourself. all of a sudden, we becomes me.

and then comes the questioning - why? why did they end things? what is it about me? am i not good enough? what could i have done differently? why does this keep happening to me? and these questions will drive you insane if you let them, because often it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their change of heart.

what makes things even harder is the world we now live in. technology serves as a constant reminder of what you had and what is now no longer. every time you look at your phone, it’s a reminder that they aren’t messaging you. not because they can’t, but because they don’t want to. our accessibility only serves to prolong and heighten the heartbreak. so, what can you do?

disconnect from technology, but reconnect with friends. create new associations in the environments that were once associated with this person. and, as painful as it is, see this as an opportunity to rebuild you. who you are and what you want. because it’s from ashes that phoenixes rise.