DO YOU EVER GET LONELY?

yeah well, me too. and it’s not the most enjoyable feeling. it’s a feeling i try to avoid, to escape, to mask with distractions.

the truth is, no one really likes being alone. not for extended periods of time anyhow. we’re social creatures - we literally need other people. so in the absence of people, it’s not surprising that loneliness ensues.

most of us actually fear being alone. we fear it by distracting ourselves. by hiding in relationships we feel nothing for. by hiding in drugs, sex, busyness. we hide because we don’t want to feel the agonising isolation that loneliness entails.

this is something i’ve been struggling with. and at times it makes me question whether i’m a fraud because of what i write about. but i realise feeling lonely, being lonely, that’s a feeling none of us are immune to. yes, connections help. but one of the main reasons we’re here? to love and be loved. to share our lives with another. companionship is natural to crave - it’s one of life’s most fulfilling experiences.

so the solution? not to run, not to hide, not to fear loneliness, but embrace it. embrace the darkness that exists because of your lightness. learn to make friends with your shadows. to sit in the uncomfortableness. all while understanding, it’s only human to feel lonely. be gentle. be kind. be still.

YOU HAVE TO REINFORCE THE GOOD

in fact, you have to do this often. if you want to change someone’s behaviour, telling them what they’re doing wrong is less effective than reinforcing what they’re doing right.

if you’re constantly berating an individual for every mistake they make, this individual is going to become conditioned into thinking EVERYTHING they do is wrong. and they’ll then become scared to make a mistake, thus ensuing they make more mistakes.

humans need praise. if you see something that someone has done well, tell them. this is in fact much more important than notifying them of their mistakes. if you listen to the greatest coaches of all time and you dissect their communication, you’ll find that only 6.6% of their communication is criticism. it’s information, not criticism, that will get the most out of your employees and players.

humans aren’t stupid. they know when they’ve fucked up; they don’t need you to tell them. but often people struggle to see their strengths, to see their successes, and that? that’s what you need to tell them. be the kind of person that builds people up, not breaks them down.

LOVE

loving someone isn’t about saving them. it’s not about changing their circumstances. it’s not about changing who they are or how they feel. loving someone means meeting them where they are. it’s about creating a space in which they feel safe. seen. validated. it’s about helping them realise they are enough, as they are, where they are. to love is to accept. love isn’t about change. it’s about safety. it’s about presence. it’s about empathy and openness. love is creating a space for them to just be. in whatever colour or shade of grey they choose to be for however long they choose to be it.