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Writer's picturenicole calder

raise your hand if you have insecurities 🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️


confidence is not about not having insecurities. confidence is about being secure within your insecurities.


what i’ve learnt is that when you own your insecurities, you diffuse the possibility that anyone can own you. talking about what bothers you allows you to reclaim the power over whatever it is you’re insecure about. as does humour.


growing up, i was always really insecure about my nose. and i used to get bullied for it. it’s big, and it looks even bigger from the side. which is why i used to panic over any side profile photos because all i could notice was how much my nose stuck out and i would spiral into thoughts of self-loathing and fantasise about getting a nose job.


over time though, i’ve learnt to joke about it. and humour has allowed a different sort of energy to exist. am i still insecure about it? absolutely! but i’m comfortable in my insecurity. i own it when i joke about it.


i want you to know that it’s okay to be insecure, because we all are. admitting your insecurities is the first step in reclaiming power over them. so what’s something you feel insecure about?

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Writer's picturenicole calder

there’s been quite a few recently. and i think what’s so upsetting about them is knowing how much pain these individuals were in to believe the only way to end their suffering, was to take their life. and that’s heartbreaking. it’s heartbreaking to know there are people out there, right now, suffering. and worse? they’re suffering alone.


what breaks my heart as well, is that i believe life can get better. it can get better when you’re surrounded by the right people. and i know this, because it did for me. i was at that point five years ago - i saw nothing but darkness. and when i think about how close i was to ending everything, it makes me so sad. i wasn’t finished. i still had so much to offer. as did all of these individuals, but they aren’t here to know that nor will they ever be.


as heavy as these deaths are, it’s validated my desire to devote my life to bettering others’ lives. to connecting. to making people feel less alone. i think one of life’s greatest tragedies is that we spend so much time focusing on shit that really doesn’t matter, instead, we could be spending time focusing on each other. on the things that make us human. the things that add value and serve. the things that could quite literally save lives.


so the next time someone is feeling sad or carrying something heavy, i challenge you to sit with them in that uncomfortableness. even if you don’t know what to say, just sit. just listen. just be there. we all have shit weighing us down, and it weighs on us heavier when we carry it ourselves. share the load. spread the love. save some lives.

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Writer's picturenicole calder

on a daily basis i’m reminded of the pain that exists in this world. and it’s a pain that pains me. because often these people aren’t just suffering, they’re suffering alone.


the most beautiful connections i’ve had with people have been when they’ve expressed something i can see they’ve been holding onto for a long time. something painful. something scary. something shameful. and in that moment, i offer them three things: non-reaction. non-judgement. and my presence. all of which contribute to making these individuals feel safe. seen. heard. human.


and that, that is my why: to present myself as humanly human in order to make others feel less alone. to validate. to reassure. to let people know they don’t need to do more, they just need to be more. be themselves, their imperfectly perfect selves. to feel what they feel. and to feel it without judgment.


i suspect my life will be devoted to executing this vision - the vision that i can help others create environments in which individuals whom are struggling feel safe to express their troubles. a place where people finally feel okay. a place where they realise, they’re just human. and all humans suffer. but we don’t have to suffer alone.


love, through the form of safety, that’s the solution this world needs.

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