COMPARE THE PAIR

same surgery, different outcomes.

rarely in life do things ever go according to plan. and rarely in life do equal inputs equate to equal outputs. why? because everyone is different. everyone’s body is different. as such, everyone’s responses to similar stimuli will be different.

what i’ve found challenging, on more than one occasion, is comparing myself to another’s journey. for my first reconstruction, i did everything right. i worked my ass off. i rehabbed twice a day, every day. only to have my teammate, who had a reconstruction six weeks after mine, surpass my progress within three days of surgery. and the worst part? she did nothing “right”. no rehab. lots of alcohol.

disheartening right? just because you do what’s “right” or “best practice” doesn’t guarantee success. luck plays a role too. so does compatibility. sometimes things beyond your control influence your journey more than your hard work ever can. and that’s life. and it’s okay to be upset about it.

merely telling someone to simply “not compare themselves” is not helpful. logically, people know that. but emotionally, we can’t help what we feel. so feel what you feel, cry if you want to cry, it’s okay and completely warranted.

the only thing to remember though, is everyone’s journey looks different. despite the same heat applied to all kernels, popcorn all pops at different times. your time to pop is coming.

BIRTHDAYS

so tomorrow i’m turning 27. i’ve never thought of birthdays as being a big deal because they’ve never really added that much value to my life. so i wondered, how can i make my birthdays more meaningful? does someone wishing me a happy birthday really add that much value to my life?

and the answer is no. try to think back to last year, can you remember who did and didn’t wish you a happy birthday? can you remember what they said? can you even remember how their message made you feel? the answers, i suspect, are most likely “no”. and that’s because the words “happy birthday” aren’t overly meaningful. it’s like saying “sorry for your loss” when someone’s family/friend/relative passes away. it’s a well-intentioned, but hollow phrase.

so this year, i decided to finally ask for what i want. to ask for something that will add value to my life. something that will make me feel more connected to you than i did before the message. i ask this: if you intend to acknowledge my birthday, please share with me a memory that we’ve experienced together. something that reminds you of me. or perhaps, something that i’ve said that’s resonated with you or impacted you in one way or another.

i understand this type of message requires a lot more effort, but those are the sort of interactions and people i want more of in my life - intentional and meaningful. 👊🏼

YOUR BOSS IS A HUMAN TOO

this past week, i witnessed two men i respect become vulnerable with me. one admitted that he had been struggling with motivation ever since covid-19 hit, the other expressed his insecurities about being inadequate. and it was beautiful and humbling to witness.

often we forget that the people responsible for us are human too. humans that require the same love, nurturing, and understanding that we all require. instead, we expect these people to be super-human. we expect them to not have emotion. to not have a life. to not struggle.

i’m guilty of this - sometimes when i am frustrated at an employer or coach, i get angry. i dehumanise them. i make them out to be a horrible person. but the reality is, they’re not horrible. they’re just human. and they, just like you and me, have their own shit going on too.

so the purpose of this post is two-fold:

1. having compassion towards those in charge for they are just like you and me, human beings with a complex array of emotions and

2. the importance of vulnerability for those in charge. the best way for others to be reminded that you’re human, is to show them. be real. be honest. be human.