What makes a great leader?

What makes a leader great? Well first, let’s look at what it means to be a leader. There are many definitions on the web, but I’ll use this from Forbes: “Leadership is a process of social influence, which maximises the efforts of others, towards the achievement of a goal.” What this definition highlights is that leadership involves social influence, not power or authority and that the influence of the leader is to get the most out of those he/she is leading. Notice what this definition does not mention? Money. Or profit. Or success. Why? Because obtaining any of those does not equate to being a good leader. Making a difference does.

If you look at any long-term successful business, you’ll notice that they all have one thing in common: they all care about people. They care about their staff, they care about their customers, and they care about maximising those relationships. Because when you take care of your staff, the staff will take care of your business. And I don’t mean take care of them financially, because money isn’t the most valuable asset you possess. Giving a shit is.

When it comes to the people I remember serving, do you think I remember those that tipped me? Because I don’t. You could leave $0.05 or you could leave $500 and I can almost guarantee I won’t remember who you are the next time you come in. The people I will remember though? Those that gave a shit. Those that took their time to have a conversation, to ask me something about myself, and sometimes who even proceeded to follow up with future contact about something we discussed. For bosses wanting to reward their staff, is there something you can offer that isn’t monetary? Something that might perhaps be perceived as being more valuable? What do you think your staff will remember more, how much they got paid or how you made them feel?

I understand the world revolves around money. But is money the most important thing? Everyone, everywhere is always asking for more money. Companies, not-for-profit organisations, sporting clubs, charities, government. Money is a quick fix. But it’s also not even a fix. Because no matter how much money an organisation has, I can confidently predict that they’ll still ask for more. Why? Because it’s human nature. We’re always asking for more. What these companies need though, is an alternative mindset. How can we still have an effect with the resources we have? How can we sell our why with where we are? If companies started focusing on the micro, they would be able to affect the macro. Unfortunately though, people often get caught up in what they want to have, what they want to build, that they lose sight on why they’re doing it in the first place.

A few weeks ago I was looking into how I can become more involved with mental health organisations and ultimately become a mental health advocate. I feel passionately about speaking openly to people about mental illness. But what I found on almost all of these websites is that their “get involved” pages asked for one thing: donations. What do I believe they need? People. They need people, volunteers ideally, willing to spread the message. They need people on the ground level having these conversations WHERE THEY ARE with WHAT THEY HAVE. But instead these organisations, much like many others, are more concerned with the macro than on the micro. More concerned with money, than people. Money can buy some things, but it can’t buy influence.

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of the aforementioned mindset too – for months I was caught up in how much others were getting paid for soccer compared to what I was making. It wasn’t until I stopped to ask myself: how much money do you need to live the life you want to live? What would that money offer you that you don’t already have right now? Perhaps a newer car, a bigger house, more financial “security”? But will any of that add value to your life? Will it make you kinder? More generous? More peaceful? More connected? More humble? Or will it only feed that self-serving ego that is never satisfied with what is and is constantly striving for more? More of things that aren’t meaningful?

If you doubt what I’m saying, I challenge you to do this exercise. Write down a list of the happiest moments of your life and identify any common themes. How many of those moments, if any, required large amounts of money? When I was asked to do this exercise six weeks ago, in attempt to help me better understand my purpose, I discovered this: hardly any of my happiest moments revolved around the one thing I was most passionate about: soccer. Hardly any revolved around winning, either. What did all of them possess though? Other people. And the catch? None of them cost money. All of the happiest moments in my life occurred during seemingly insignificant, inexpensive moments when I, and the other person, were completely and vulnerably, ourselves.

And that, I believe, is an extremely important asset of being a leader: vulnerability. In The Five Dysfunctions of a Team the first dysfunction originates from an absence of trust. And the solution? Being vulnerable. Vulnerability makes you human. As does accountability. And both of those aid in you being relatable. And relatability helps in making people feel like you give a shit because at the end of the day, how can you give a shit about people you don’t understand?

So when it comes to being a leader, it’s important to understand that what you stand for matters more than what you do. Are you more concerned with profits or people? Are you dividing or are you uniting? Are you making money or are you making a difference? Because from my observations and informal studying, the latter precedes the former. Care about your people and they’ll care about you. What people can achieve together surpasses what any individual can achieve alone. It is thus, the role of a leader to do just that: unify individuals to achieve more. Right now, we can all be leaders. Where we are. And with what we have. Leading doesn’t require much more than simply giving a shit about others. So now I ask you: how are you choosing to lead?

Self-isolation

That’s what we’ve all essentially been confined to, except for those that are still working. What could possibly be so hard about staying at home all day, with absolutely nothing to do, no responsibilities to attend to, and no events to prepare for? For some people, this might seem like an ideal holiday. But for many others, this is the start of a prolonged nightmare.

We as humans need purpose. We need structure. Routine. We need a reason to wake up every morning. And for the millions of people who are now jobless, they’ve lost all of that. In addition to people losing their jobs, gyms and sporting teams have also been closed down. For many people, exercising at the gym is their outlet. It’s their coping mechanism. For those on sporting teams, it’s their sense of community. Their tribe. It’s where they feel valued. Safe. Home.

So what does it mean to have lost all of that, and all of a sudden? It means that we’re at risk. At risk of falling into situational depression. This is all also compounded by the fact that we can’t see other people in the same capacity that we previously were. It means that people living alone might go entire days without speaking to anyone, let alone seeing anyone else. And the worst part? No one knows when any of this is going to end. So the effects of these deprivations could become costly to many people’s mental health and livelihoods.

So what can we do to overcome these risks? The first suggestion I have is to keep moving. For those of you able and most at risk of developing depressive symptoms, I highly recommend you look for another job. And fast. Things in motion tend to stay in motion, whereas things at rest tend to stay at rest. If you spend too long at home, getting used to not having a job or reason to wake up every morning, you’ll feel less motivated to suddenly change that trajectory.

For those not interested or unable to obtain an alternative job, I recommend creating some sense of structure or routine to your life. Set your alarm at an appropriate time to go for a walk, or go to the beach, or commence an early morning workout, or organise an early morning phone call to a friend in another country, to your grandparents you can’t see. Give yourself a reason to wake up every morning and stay up – make your bed, have a shower, keep moving.

As far as exercising, it’s imperative to keep receiving endorphin releases. But it can be extremely challenging to stay motivated when it’s just you – a lot of motivation around exercise is associated with other benefits, the social or community aspect, or the competitive aspect, or the sense of feeling like you’re making a difference or achieving something collectively. So how can you still receive these benefits whilst also abiding by the government regulations of social distancing? Perhaps you can contact a friend or family member to accompany you on a run, or to kick a ball around, or perhaps you can Facetime someone whilst you both complete an at-home-workout, competing with each other. Whatever you do, try to do it with someone else, either virtually or in person. Not only does this aid in social interaction, but it aids in accountability and commitment too.

In my post yesterday, I mentioned how this pandemic is an opportunity for all of us to reconnect. But I failed to offer suggestions as to how. In previous posts, I’ve alluded to the negative effects of technology – to the superficial, convenient interactions that ensue. And to the fact that technology is making us more accessible, but less connected. Now, however, we’re essentially relying on technology to provide us with the latter – to be the primary source of our connection. So how can we achieve this? By being intentional with our connections. Instead of texting friends and family, call them. Skype them. Facetime them. Hear and see other humans as much as possible, and as safely as possible.

If you’re able, and coffee shops remain open, grab a takeaway coffee and go for a walk along the beach. Not only are you supporting local cafes and getting a healthy dose of oxytocin and serotonin from the social interaction, but you’re also chucking in some endorphins through exercise. Simon Sinek posted something on his page today that I thought was a great idea – it was essentially a virtual book club. So perhaps connect with friends who are into reading and suggest a book for you all to read with discussions to occur weekly. Or if you’re into writing, painting, any sort of craft work, connect with others online and share your work.

This could also be a chance for people to reset and reflect. To spend time reassessing what they want in life, what’s important to them, and what is their why. My recent trip to Hamilton Island allowed me the space, time, and freedom to explore these questions. This time now allows me even more time to potentially crack down on writing a book. But the point is, we as humans need to have goals. We need to have purpose. We need to have routine. From a conditioning perspective, I would recommend dedicating a room or space specifically to exercising or getting “work” (reflective or leisurely) done. This space, if you only use it for the aforementioned reasons, will subconsciously cue you to engage in those desired behaviours.

I would also recommend to-do lists with dedicated time constraints. When we have unlimited time on our hands, we’re not very productive because we can procrastinate and “do it tomorrow”. In regards to looking after your mental health, now is an opportune time to invest in some house plants. Not only do plants look aesthetically pleasing, but they give you a sense of responsibility – they give you a sense of satisfaction every time they grow. Likewise with pets. They offer a sense of comfort and connection during this isolating time, whilst also giving you a sense of responsibility each day.

The last point I want to make is about hope. One of the hardest things about what we’re going through is the fact that we don’t know how long it’s going to last. We don’t know how long it will take before life, as we once knew it, will return to normal. And that isn’t comforting. Because it makes it more difficult to have hope. That’s one of the primary reasons many people are suggesting we go onto lockdown for 2-3 months. As devastating as it might be for our economy, it gives everyone the lifeline they need: hope. Hope of returning to normalcy in a reasonable time, not the prolonged forecast that is to be expected from “flattening the curve”. Nevertheless, whatever the government decides, we all have a responsibility in doing our part. Of abiding by the social distancing rules. And hopefully now, a few more tools to combat the potentially damaging social and mental effects of self-isolation. If you have any other ideas, please feel free to share. Look after yourselves, but also look after each other.

Covid-19

What a time to be alive. We’re in the middle of something that has the potential to be a turning point in history. This is the first pandemic the majority of us has ever experienced and hopefully, will ever experience. It’s also the first pandemic in history in which we have technology as a tool to aid in communication. There will undoubtedly be countless studies researching the behaviours of people during this time, and what might they say so far?

From what I’ve observed, there’s been two kinds of people – there’s been the people who, despite literally the entire world going through the exact same crisis (admittedly to varying degrees), are playing a victim. These are also the people that are likely to be panicking and hoarding supplies – buying in excess rather than in need. Buying for themselves with complete disregard to the remainder of the population. But then there are the people who are supporting those in times of struggle, those that are offering their supplies or facilities to those in need, those that are remaining calm, loving, and generous. So which type of person are you choosing to be?

Crises and adversities have the ability to divide or the ability to connect. I like to see this as an opportunity for the latter. It’s an opportunity for us as humans to get back to the basics of what it means to be human – to look after one another. Last week during a team meeting I held for Salisbury Inter, I proposed this question to my teammates – how can you make someone’s life easier? What is one small thing that you can do that will make a big difference in someone else’s life? I gave the example in soccer of making that extra recovery run to cover your teammate, dropping those extra few metres to drag a defender away from your teammate, or communicating on the field. Those small actions are effortless. But they make a massive difference. And during this period of high stress, I pose that question to all of you – what one, small thing can you do that will have a big impact on someone else?

This is a time of massive uncertainty. And uncertainty is not something that humans readily embrace. Because we crave certainty. We want answers. We want to know how long this damn thing will last. We want to know how we’re going to survive. But the reality is, no one has any answers. No one can predict the future. No one knows how bad this could potentially get. Yes, being uncertain is uncomfortable. And yes, with uncertainty comes feelings of anxiousness, stress, panic, fear. All of which are completely okay to be feeling. As are feelings of disappointment over holidays that need to be cancelled, over jobs that you’ve lost, over family that you might not be able to see. These feelings are okay. And these feelings are to be expected. It’s what makes us human. What’s not okay is the behaviour that results from the anxiousness – the panic buying, the hoarding, the fighting over toilet paper. How are your behaviours making life easier for someone else? Do you really need that extra packet of pasta? Or those extra sanitary items? Or is it possible that you can survive for a week without them?

Stressing about the future won’t make anything more certain in the present. As I already mentioned, no one knows how long any of this is going to last. But what I do know, is that the government will not allow us to suffer. There will be protocols in place to ensure that those small businesses that have had to close, the small businesses that make countries the country that they are, will find a way to reopen. Just as the government will not let people starve because they are out of a job. Look at petrol prices right now – they’re the lowest they’ve ever been in five years. This isn’t something that any single country can monopolise because every country is going through very similar adversities. But what we need from each other, is a collective mentality. A mentality of “how can we get through this” not, “how can I get through this?” That is perhaps why there was such a negative reaction surrounding the Adelaide café that set up a GoFundMe page asking their customers for donations – yes, your business is struggling, but so is the entire industry. Do what you can to not just benefit yourself, but those around you.

As for the stimulus payments, I believe that we should be prioritising those that absolutely need the payments above those that can survive a few days or weeks without them. It’s almost like Simon Sinek’s Leaders Eat Last policy – if you don’t need it, wait. Let those that do need it get in first. In the same way that if you were in the emergency department with a life-or-death ailment, you would want to be treated before someone who might just have a cold.

This is a challenging time for everyone – absolutely every single person in this world will be affected by Covid-19 in some way or another. What a time then, to connect. To come together. To be there for one another. To get to know your neighbours. To spend time with family. To get creative with leisurely activities. This is something bigger than you. It’s bigger than your family. And it’s even bigger than our country. This is about the entire human race relearning what it means to be human and being human means looking out for one another. If we all vouch to take care of those around us, those in our immediate circles and potentially beyond depending on your financial resources, we can all get out of this primarily unscathed.

So yes, this crisis has the potential to bring out the worst in people, but I believe it also has the potential to bring out the very best in people. But that comes down to a choice. So how are you choosing to respond? Are you responding in fear, or in generosity? In selfishness, or in expansiveness? What is one thing you can do to make someone else’s life easier? Check in with your friends, check in with your family, and check in with yourself. We’re all in this together. Literally.