PART 2: SUICIDE

the photo from my last post was taken during a time when i was encompassed by darkness - a time when i considered taking my life as being the only resolution to ending my pain. that was back in 2015. and if you look closely at the picture, you’ll see there wasn’t much of me. i weighed 61kgs; 135lbs. i was sick.

towards the end of last year, i went through another really difficult patch. i felt the darkness suffocating me again and i wanted an escape. i recall telling people i was really struggling, telling them i wasn’t okay, and my pleas for help were met with, “you need to see someone.” these responses, despite being offered with the best of intentions, did not help. if anything, they made me become even more isolated.

so what did help? how did i pull myself out from the darkness? how did i somehow manage to find the light again?

firstly, i didn’t pull myself out. i had help. back in 2015, i was forced to get help. i was institutionalised. and i felt like i only got to that point because my previous cries for help were not heard - somehow telling people i really wasn’t doing well, that i needed help, and that i was self-harming were not concerning enough to warrant others taking action. so i took action.

i was already seeing a therapist before i was institutionalised, so for me, it wasn’t individual therapy that really helped. it was the group therapy. it was being held accountable for my actions. it was being able to relate to others, to talk to others in a safe environment, it was these connections that truly helped.

but help doesn’t have to be formal. and that’s what i experienced towards the end of last year. i had someone who stuck by me, through my darkest days and darkest nights, without threat of her leaving. she saw me at my absolute worst, and instead of getting angry, she responded with warmth. care. compassion. but most importantly, she showed up. if i alluded to suicide at all in my texts, she would be there. physically. no matter the time. she showed me love during a time i didn’t think i was very lovable. and it was that love that helped. that love that saved me.

i also had friends that made time for me, that met with me, that invested in me. they didn’t just send a text, they physically showed up. they gave me their time, their presence, and their care. the reality is, you don’t need to know how to respond to someone who’s struggling. you just need to be there. show up. listen. and take action. lastly, if you are concerned about anyone being suicidal, ask them. according to the data from the Crisis Text Line, asking someone if they are suicidal does not “plant the seed” in their head. but it does show you’re concerned. and remember, action is better than no action.

SUICIDE

let’s talk about it. does the mere act of reading that word make you feel uncomfortable? good, then you need to read the rest of this post.

the reason i believe suicide is so tragic is because it’s a death that could be perceived as being preventable. i’m not saying one person is solely responsible for the well-being of another individual, but i am saying WE, as a collective human race, are all responsible for the well-being of others.

when someone is struggling with suicidal ideation, rarely will they explicitly state, “i’m going to kill myself,” but they will, quite often, communicate warning signs that can be just as obvious, if we know what to look for.

if someone says, “i’m really struggling,” or “i’m really not doing well,” - that’s the individual’s attempt at reaching out. it can be hard for the individual to even communicate those phrases, especially when those phrases don’t cause concern or action in others. but they should. any indication that someone is struggling, warrants action. and i don’t just mean sending a text asking if they’re okay. i mean physically going over to their house to spend time with them. check in with them. sit with them and connect with them. as i’ve mentioned in a previous blog post, the sad fact is that no one takes responsibility for anyone else these days - they all expect the individual to speak up, get help, fix themselves. but we can’t do that alone. we need people, friends, to sit alongside us. to walk with us on that journey of getting help. not to leave us.

other things you can do is look for changes in their behaviour - are they becoming isolated? have they lost a lot of weight? have they changed their profile picture to some arbitrary thing? are they engaging in impulsive behaviours? given away some of their belongings? have they mentioned the words “suicide” or “burden” in any conversations? these are all warning signs, along with many others. if you know of any others, please comment them below.

this post comes in light of someone i once knew who took their life recently. something i find to be a complete and utter tragedy.

so please, take responsibility for others. check in on them. talk to them. create an environment in which they feel like they can talk about these dark thoughts. and at the very least, let’s all make talking about suicide not a taboo topic.

BE YOURSELF

telling someone to “just be yourself” is such a bullshit and unhelpful phrase. often times the reason people aren’t themselves, is because the environment in which they’re in has made them feel like it’s not okay to be who they are. on some level, they have been rejected for “just being themselves”. whether that’s by being yelled at, being overlooked for a job position, or being criticised and judged - in some form or another, their natural behaviour has been punished resulting in them retreating back into themselves and hiding behind a mask. why? because it’s safe there. no one will judge you if you colour within the lines. it’s when you step outside of those, step outside of what’s considered the norm, that you’re subjected to being judged. and that has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the environment.

so instead of telling people to “be themselves” why not create an environment in which people feel safe to be themselves? an environment in which they feel safe to remove their masks, to let down their guards, to be their goofy, silly, ridiculous selves? we put too much pressure on individuals to overcome their environments when we should be putting pressure on people to create better environments. i believe we’re all responsible for making another individual feel safe and in essence, we’re responsible for allowing them to be themselves.