THE POWER IN MUSIC

there’s a beauty in music that cannot be shared through other forms of media. music is transformative; it takes you back to a moment in your life, to an emotion, to a memory, to an experience, to a person. it does this in a way that photographs do not. pictures capture a moment, but the experience is limited to what you see. music, however, is expansive. it’s associated with what you feel.

there are some songs that have been so heavily associated with poignant memories in my life that as soon as i hear them, it evokes an uncontrollable array of emotions. an array of emotions that transports me back to the moment the song was first imprinted in my mind. sleeping sickness by city and colour is one of those songs. it’s the song i listened to on repeat in 2015 when i was broken. “someone come and someone come and save my life,” - a lyric i cried to. screamed to. hoped to. this was the darkest period of my life and it was in these words from dallas green that i found hope. that i felt understood.

a similar feeling was experienced to pink’s the great escape. “because the passion and pain are going to keep you alive someday.” during the same period of my life, i was hurting, a lot. death felt near. the great escape desirable. but pink’s lyrics offered solace. it offered a light at the end of the tunnel. meaning to my suffering. as much pain as i was in, it meant i was alive. and to experience great highs, one must experience great lows. my passion is my high, my pain my low. pink captured the essence of this feeling.

songs aren’t always associated with pain, sometimes they can be associated with love. as i write this, i’m currently listening to “yellow” on repeat by emmit fenn. a song that transports me back to early june, 2021. this was the time when i first discovered i had feelings for my now partner. that i loved my now partner. and it was this song that helped me realise that. it was this song i played on repeat the night i picked her up from a party and asked her if she had ever thought about me as more than a friend (her reply: yeah, as a best friend!). listening to this song now, i’m reminded of those feelings. i’m reminded of the deep love, admiration, and appreciation i had for her as a person. the feelings i still have. “your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones. turns into, something beautiful. for you, i’d bleed myself dry. you know i love you so."

when you connect with someone over music, you’re connecting with them over more than just words. you’re connecting with them over feelings. and it’s this power in music that i find so beautiful. so when someone shares a song with you, they’re sharing more than just a good beat; they’re sharing a memory. a feeling. they’re sharing a part of who they are.

so what’s a song that has significantly influenced your life?

HUMANS ARE ANIMALS

humans are animals. in the sense that our behaviours are very similar. the animals we saw down in island bush camp were very shy and skittish - they're not used to humans. the animals at the main area, however, are more comfortable around humans so they don't run off. they've learned, through exposure, that humans aren't a threat; they've become part of the environment.

i look at how i behave in different environments and i'm not that much different than the animals. with my family, i hardly speak. i probably seem very cold to many people. but when i'm alone or with people who share similar values to me, i behave very differently.

in our family, we have many alphas so i sit back and observe. i do this in crowded environments too because i don't find value in small talk. one of my family members said that that's 'my problem. that i'm unable to just have light-hearted conversations; that everything has to be meaningful to me.' and he's not wrong. but i don't think that's a problem. i think that's just who i am. and i think his desire for the opposite is just who he is. i can't change who i am, nor do i want to. in the same way that he can't change who he is. is the onus not then on the person to accept the individual for who they are rather than on expecting the individual to change? if we're constantly changing to become what others want us to be, who are we becoming? what part of your individuality are you sacrificing in order to be accepted by others?

instead of being critical of others' differences, how can we learn to embrace them? to meet them where they are and accept them for all that they are?

i think a good starting point is to realise that people are going to have different values than you. and that's okay. a difference in values doesn't mean we can't still appreciate an individual for all that they are, to acknowledge underneath all of those differences, they're still a human being. a human being that wants exactly what you do; to love and be loved. this reality should be the core of all interactions, regardless of how different someone might be from you.

so how can you create an environment that accepts someone for all that they are, regardless of how different they might be from you?

IF IT'S THERE, WE'LL USE IT

humans lack willpower. especially in relation to things we are addicted to. often when we make claims of becoming 'sober' or quitting smoking, or not eating particular items, we do so in a state of mind that has the best of intentions. we do it when our willpower is strong and our temptation weak. what humans do poorly is account for times when our willpower is weak and our temptation strong; times when our mental state is most vulnerable. perhaps we're lonely. perhaps we're bored. perhaps we're hurting. these are the moments we don't plan for when we decide to go 'clean'. and it's in these moments that we often 'relapse'.

there's a reason that alcoholics are not permitted to have alcohol in their house when they're trying to give up drinking. because no matter how strong willed someone is, if something is accessible, it's more likely to be used than if something isn't accessible. i liken this to shootings in america - the pure act of owning a gun means the likelihood of shooting someone is 100% higher than if someone doesn't own a gun. what we don't have, we can't use.

this is true too, for internet and our phones. for the past few years i've spoken openly about my desire to limit my phone usage. i recently travelled to Africa where i so badly wanted to disconnect, to be fully present with my family, and to experiment without having a phone. and it worked, when i didn't have internet. for almost five days, there was no internet access. we were in the bush, with no power. so all i could use my phone for was taking photos, but even that was limited because i had no means to charge my phone once it went flat. and these five days happened to be the best five days of my trip. why? because i was fully present. because i couldn't be anywhere but where i was.

when we got back to the main camp, i messaged my partner stating that i really didn't want to use my phone for the rest of the trip. she naturally understood and encouraged me to be present too. and as much as i tried / wanted to, i couldn't. the mere notion of having wifi, meant it was accessible. and if it was accessible, i was using it. and i hate that about myself. i wish that i had the willpower not to. the only time i didn't use my phone was when i didn't have it with me - when i left it in my room for lunch or dinner. but if it was on me, i used it.

the worst part is that even if i wasn't actively using my phone, my mind wasn't fully present. i was somewhere else. i was thinking about home. i was thinking about my partner. about soccer. and all i needed to do was turn off airplane mode and i would be transported back there. but without internet, that transportation didn't occur. that distraction didn't happen. westerners travelling to these African camps are all pushing for more internet access; for quicker wifi and for greater range. but i plead that they remove wifi altogether. because internet detracts from one's experience. it detracts from being present. and no matter how much someone might want to disconnect, if it's there, we'll use it.